Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
