somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
