O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
