Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
