If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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