I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
