That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
