Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
