His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
