I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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