Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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