The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
operation have a gay friend backfired
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
