Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
