oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
