you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
