i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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