just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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