Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
