Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
