Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
