$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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