The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is the high leading the old right now
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
