Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
