I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
