I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
