Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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