Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
