dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
