so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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