could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
