I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
