I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
