Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
