I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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