your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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