Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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