I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
