News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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