I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
