Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
