The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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