I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I cut my penus on the lid.
this just has baby written all over it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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