Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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