This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
