seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
