White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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