Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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