I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
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