He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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