Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
