remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
