So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
