its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
