***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I've blown a few things in my day
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
