Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
