First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
