I want to stick my p in your. b.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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