A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
