can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
