you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
