girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
