she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
