Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
