hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
