A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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