Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize