I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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