this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
