I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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