did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize