What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
