I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
