just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
