good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
