hotel room ftw
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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