The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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