I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
