i was born a porn star she said
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
